In a world where most relationships starts with a swipe, a glance, or a cheeky DM, how do we, as modern women, try to keep things light and fun, only to find ourselves wandering into the emotional abyss? Can we ever truly keep it ‘casual’ with men, or is ‘light’ love just a myth we tell ourselves before plunging headfirst into the deep end?
This was the question on my mind one Friday night, sipping a favourite hot drink with a girlfriend at our usual spot. It’s funny how you start off thinking you can handle a no-strings-attached fling, but somehow end up debating whether his Spotify playlist choices mean he’s ready to settle down. Spoiler alert: they don’t.
The Grand plan to keep it light
It all begins innocently enough. You meet a guy. He’s funny, cute, and says all the right things like, “I’m not looking for anything serious,” which, let’s be honest, is music to your ears. Because you? You’re busy. You’ve got a career, brunch dates, yoga classes, and a complicated relationship with your ex’s Instagram stories. A serious commitment? No thanks.
So, you tell yourself it’s just fun—just light. Maybe it’s the cocktails talking, or maybe you genuinely believe it, but either way, you’re convinced. You’re in control.
But then, something happens. One day, you wake up in his t-shirt, scrolling through your camera roll, and you realise that the ratio of “cute brunch pics with the girls” to “candid snaps of him” has drastically shifted. And somehow, without even noticing, you’ve gone from “just having fun” to Googling what his zodiac sign says about your compatibility.
The casual illusion
Now, let’s talk about that word we love to throw around: casual. It sounds so carefree, right? Like wearing a sundress on a warm day, or deciding to order a third mimosa at brunch. Casual is easy. Casual doesn’t come with expectations or emotional baggage. Except, it always does.
The thing about men and women is this: we’re not exactly wired the same when it comes to feelings. He might be thinking, “This is light, this is casual,” while you’re busy noticing that he remembered your favourite brand of oat milk. And now, you’re wondering if that means something.
But here’s the catch. The more we try to keep it light, the more we end up creating light little excuses for why it’s okay to get emotionally invested. He invited you to his friend’s birthday party? That’s light. He left a toothbrush at your place? Light! You’re texting him goodnight every day? Totally light.
Right? Wrong. Because suddenly, that lightness starts to feel a lot like… feelings.
The f-word (not that one)
We’re all familiar with that heart-dropping moment when someone uses the F word. No, not that F-word. I’m talking about feelings.
Here’s the thing about “light” relationships – they work in theory, until one person—let’s face it, probably you—has the audacity to catch feelings. Now, I’m not saying we’re out here falling in love after two dates, but let’s be real: we’ve all sent that flirty text with a side of hidden vulnerability, hoping he’ll catch on. You’re dropping hints like breadcrumbs, and he’s blissfully strolling along, totally unaware that there’s a whole emotional pie waiting at the end.
And so, the question comes. It’s not intentional. You don’t mean to ruin the vibe. But one day, over wine, or in the haze of post-brunch mimosas, it slips: “So… what are we?”
The darkness of DTR (define the relationship)
Suddenly, your ‘light’ relationship has turned into the stuff of every romantic comedy disaster scene. What was supposed to be fun, easy, and breezy has you spiralling in the dark, trying to figure out where you stand and whether he’s thinking the same thing.
Let me tell you something: asking a man where he sees the relationship going is like handing him a map of London and asking him to navigate it with no GPS. He’s going to get lost. So, when you finally have The Talk (you know, the one you’ve been replaying in your head for days), you’re already prepared for a detour into “I’m not ready for anything serious” territory. And yet, you still go there. Why? Because you have to.
Embracing the dark side (and why it’s not so bad after all)
In the end, trying to keep it light with men often ends with us bumbling through the dark, questioning whether we’ve gone too far too fast or if we’re holding onto something that’s not really there. But here’s the thing: sometimes, it’s in that darkness that we find the real connection.
Sure, light is fun. It’s carefree, and it keeps us from overthinking (or, at least, we try). But the truth is, when we stop trying to force things to be “light,” and allow ourselves to embrace the messy, complicated parts of love, that’s when the magic happens. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it might mean you find yourself in deeper than you planned. But maybe, just maybe, that’s exactly where you need to be.
Because, ladies, keeping it light can only get you so far. Sooner or later, love—real, deep, not-so-casual love—comes knocking, and you’ve got to decide whether you’re ready to let it in.
And honestly? Sometimes, it’s better to stumble through the dark with someone by your side than to stay in the light all by yourself.
P.S
In the end, love is never as light as we want it to be. And maybe that’s the beauty of it. Because when the lights go out, we’re left with something far more meaningful: the possibility that in the darkness, we’ll find exactly what we’ve been looking for all along.